Freedom in death
by iamsesshomarusfluff
Summary: A oneshot I wrote while I was depressed. No spacific characters but "Kagome" dies but gets revived.


_Just something I created while I was depressed, but finished as I got over it. There really is no spacific characters, which is a first for me. Read and Review for me!_

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I stared up at the great vastness of the night sky, not really feeling anything. According to sense, I should feel horrified, terrified, worried about things I have no control over, pain, loss, feeling cheated. But I felt none of this. I wasn't completely blank however because I may have not felt those things, but I felt other things in their place. I felt more peaceful and accepting and just waiting for the inevitable. I was dying, leaving everyone I have ever grown to care for and love. I was leaving them and I was accepting it. I should be revolted, disgusted with myself. But I wasn't.

All through my life I have felt at odds with everything around me. I always thought my death would be my freedom from this never ending existence. And it has finally come. I should be shameful I was being so selfish, that I was going and everyone else staying behind. I never let on to my longing for death. Others would have thought me insane and I knew I wasn't. It's just no one understands me. At least, that is how I have always felt.

My thoughts circled in my head, going over the things I have already considered and just thinking things that have no importance. The waiting is starting to become unbearable. But the thought of such freedom in death, the better place, knowing that I will be at peace, kept my impatience at bay. I was already numb to the world. I knew that he was looking for me, but it was too late. He would find me, but by then, I would have passed on. I would have stayed, if I knew for certain that it would hurt him to lose me, but I don't.

I could hear his calling faintly. I could tell he wasn't too far off, but I had lost so much blood already, that even my vision was failing. I couldn't tell the black spots on the night sky, but they are more noticeable now that I turned to look at the trees in the direction that he is still calling me from. I'm surprised that he hasn't found me yet. He knows of this place, a special place to me, and with his sense of direction, and his keen nose. I shivered and a convolution racked through me. My lungs were starting to have problems working and I could hear my heart pounding, trying to pump what little blood I have left. A sigh escaped my blood painted lips as I realized I didn't have to wait much longer. His yells were getting fainter and fainter as I was getting weaker and weaker.

I turned my head so I was looking at the sky again. I wanted to wonder at its vastness one last time before I would finally know how far the universe went. I would finally know all the answers to all my unanswerable questions. I would finally know what is after this life. I would finally know if science created the world, or if some higher being did. I hoped for the latter, so that if I couldn't find the answers I sought, then I could ask them or Him. I would finally be freed from my bodily prison. I would know no more pain. I would know no more misery. I would no longer have to worry about protecting my heart, my life. I would no longer worry about anything. I sighed again as I thought about such peace. With my death, I would ask no one to mourn. I sought death as freedom, so no one should feel sorrow that I finally found peace.

I could hear him getting closer with much more urgency in his voice now. He knows where I am. I close my eyes, and I'm sure by now that I looked bad enough to pass for death. I didn't want to let him know I was still alive. It may seem cowardly, and maybe my reasoning is an excuse for it, but I didn't want to give him hope that I would make it. He knew I wouldn't, but I knew he wouldn't accept it so easily. And I didn't want him to know that I wanted this. I didn't kill myself. Don't think I did this on purpose. I was attacked by a strong demon, and I fought it. I even had that flash of fear go though me when I realized that I wouldn't make it through the night. I just accepted it, let it be.

I heard his footsteps stop when he entered the clearing and saw me. I couldn't see his reaction, for I was playing dead until I really was. Then I heard them start again, and could feel utter terror in his aura. Was he really so upset? Could my death really have affected him so? There was just no way. And I couldn't believe that it did, because then that would cause me to hope, and that hope would cause me to fight my death, when I had already accepted it to where it couldn't be helped. I didn't want to hope that he wanted me to live. It would make me live, and maybe even overcome this. But I didn't want that hope because I wanted to die.

I could feel him fall beside me, heard his ragged breathing as he knelt down and lifted my head into his lap. His huge, soft hands wiped away the blood from my head wound and I could hear his whispering. At first I couldn't understand a word he was saying because his words were lost in his sobs. But then I could hear please, and, don't you dare die. I struggled to open my eyes again, and at first everything was a blurry mess. Then his face came into focus. A broken smile crossed his lips as she saw me alive still. His hands continued to cress my face as he stared into my eyes. I tried to smile, but my body had become to numb, and I couldn't feel anything. I wanted to tell him what I've wanted to, what I should have told him long before, that I loved him.

But then blackness completely covered my vision, and I could feel my body freeze, but at the same time, I felt completely weightless. I could hear him yell out, trying to call me back, but I was already floating away. I floated up and up and up, until I knew I was no longer on earth. I was some place that was so vast and timeless, that I knew I had died. The freedom that I wanted was granted, and there were nothing but stars. All brilliant and bright and just about as ageless as I had become. Then a speck of light grew on the horizon. Its brightness was becoming too intense and I had to look away. When I opened my eyes, the colors of the earth bombarded me. The green of the trees were greener. The blue of the sky was bluer. Wait, didn't I just have stars in that sky? Why is it blue now?

I heard a sigh of relief and turned my head towards the sound. He sat there, right beside me on his knees, and his golden eyes glowed. There was no other word for it. His hand moved, and then I noticed the sword. The Tensagia. So I did die. But why…?

"Why did you bring me back?" I asked him, bearing my weight on my elbows.

"Did you honestly think I would let you go so easily?"

By my raised eyebrow, something I picked up from him, he knew my answer was yes. With a collective sigh, he picked me up and placed me in his lap. This was a surprise. He never really did this kind of thing with anyone.

"What were you thinking? I know you know you couldn't have come out of that alive. Why didn't you just wait for me? I would have been there before you could blink again."

I didn't answer that. If I wasn't so dazed at what he had done, what he's still doing now, I would be working up such anger that he has never known before. I just rested my head in the hallow between his neck and shoulder. I could tell he didn't know what to make out of my silence, but I wasn't going to tell him why.

"Why did you let yourself die? I can ignore all my other question, but I have to know the answer to that one."

"I love you. My life would be pointless without you, and I know I could never have you, so I thought what would be the point?" My voice sounded strange, even to myself, as I finally confessed to what I had kept hidden for years.

His arms tightened around be, his hold going from comforting, to protective. He didn't say anything for the longest, and if felt like I couldn't breathe right. The air coming in came in shallow, and all of it went out. I felt dizzy and really wish he would say something. He leaned his head down so his cheek rested against my forehead. I have never been so close to him, and I felt my heart constrict.

"You tell me this now, right after I revive you? Do you have any idea how much your death cost me? I have never flown so fast in my entire life. I thought I wouldn't make it in time." He let out a frustrated breath. "You think your life would be pointless without me? I had to face my life without you for a full 6 hours. I wonder how you would have mange that one."

"I wouldn't."

"Now you know how I felt. I won't tolerate it again either."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I will do anything and everything to keep you by me side for as long as I can."

"Then tell me the only thing that will."

"I love you."


End file.
